BDSM Checklist

Agreed forms of address, gestures, or routines that mark when a dynamic is active. Also called high protocol.

Giving explicit instructions and carrying them out precisely, as the core of a scene. Also called command play.

A power structure kept in place outside scenes, with rules covering everyday life. Also called TPE · total power exchange · lifestyle dynamic.

Needs regular renegotiation and a clear way to pause the dynamic entirely.

Marking a dynamic with a collar or similar token, often through a small ceremony.

Using rope to restrain or decorate a partner, with technique learned before it is used. Also called shibari · kinbaku.

Nerve damage and circulation loss are real risks; learn safe placement and keep cutting tools within reach.

Purpose-made cuffs, straps, or under-bed systems used instead of rope for quick release.

Being held in place by a partner’s hands or body weight, with no equipment involved. Also called pinning · holding down.

Rope applied for how it looks and feels rather than to prevent movement. Also called rope dress · harness.

A position that makes two options both uncomfortable, so the bottom must keep choosing.

Position stress builds quickly; keep sessions short.

Partially or fully lifting a bound partner off the ground using hard points and rigging.

Advanced practice with serious injury potential; requires in-person training, not video tutorials.

Wrapping the body in plastic wrap, tape, or fabric to restrict movement.

Overheating and restricted breathing are the main risks; never cover the airway.

Frames, benches, and spreader bars that hold a position without continuous tying.

Impact by hand to fleshy areas, often the entry point into sensation play. Also called hand spanking · OTK.

Rhythmic impact from a multi-tailed flogger, spreading sensation over a wider area.

Sharp, focused impact from a thin rod; it lands narrower and stings longer.

Marks easily and can break skin; avoid joints, kidneys, and spine.

Broad, thudding impact from a flat implement, often paired with counted strokes.

Short, sharp sensation delivered with the body rather than an implement.

Deliberately slowing down or withholding what comes next to build anticipation. Also called edging · orgasm control.

Holding a position or sensation for an agreed length of time as a challenge.

Pressure applied with fingers, clamps, or suction as a focused sensation.

Removing clamps hurts more than wearing them; limit time on.

Play involving restricted breathing, listed here because it is commonly searched.

Neck compression can cause injury or death with no warning and no reliable safe technique. Medical bodies advise against it.

Removing sight so every other sensation registers more sharply.

Contrasting hot and cold — ice, warmed oil, breath — across the skin.

Test temperature on yourself first; skin damage happens fast.

Dripping low-temperature candle wax as a heat sensation.

Only low-temperature body candles; standard candles cause burns.

Attraction to leather as material, garment, or the sound and smell it carries. Also called leather fetish.

Attraction to the tightness, shine, and full-body sensation of latex clothing. Also called rubberist.

Overheating is common in full coverage; hydrate and take breaks.

Attraction to delicate textures against skin as the central sensation.

Very light, unpredictable contact used to build sensitivity rather than intensity.

Wheels, brushes, and textured tools used to vary sensation without impact.

Smell or taste being the main channel of arousal rather than a background detail.

Muffling hearing with headphones or earplugs to deepen the sense of isolation.

Removing several senses at once, usually combined with restraint.

Disorientation is intense; agree a non-verbal signal before starting.

Adults playing with a caregiver-and-cared-for frame, by mutual agreement. Also called DD/lg · MD/lb · CG/l.

Adopting animal-inspired behaviors and gear, often with a handler opposite. Also called puppy play · kitten play · pony play.

Instinct-led, less verbal play involving chasing, wrestling, or growling.

Words are part of the scene, so agree a physical stop signal beforehand.

Set-piece scenes with defined characters — a stranger, an interview, a rescue. Also called scene play.

Clothing that signals a role and carries the fantasy on its own. Also called uniform fetish.

Pre-negotiated scenes that play at resistance while consent is agreed in full beforehand. Also called CNC.

Requires an established relationship, detailed negotiation, and a signal that works when words are part of the scene.

Exploring presentation and gender expression as part of a scene. Also called crossdressing · forced fem.

Being treated as an object or piece of furniture for an agreed period. Also called human furniture.

Bringing fictional characters into intimacy through costume and behavior.

Detailed, specific approval used as the main reward inside a dynamic. Also called praise kink.

Rough or belittling language used deliberately, agreed word by word in advance.

Agree exact words and off-limits topics first; this lands harder than most people expect.

Describing what is happening or about to happen as the core of the experience.

Agreed rules with defined outcomes when they are kept or broken. Also called discipline.

Having to ask before something happens, and the tension of waiting for an answer.

Long build-up, countdowns, or instructions given hours in advance.

Suggestion-based play that works on focus and relaxation.

Effects can persist after a scene; only with partners you know well.

Consensual psychological pressure inside a clearly bounded scene.

Easily confused with genuine coercion; needs explicit start and end markers.

Agreed care after a scene — water, warmth, quiet, or talking it through.

A floaty, altered headspace some bottoms enter during intense play.

Consent given in subspace is unreliable; negotiate everything beforehand.

The focused, adrenaline-heavy headspace some tops enter while leading.

Support for the emotional dip that can arrive hours or days after intense play. Also called sub drop · dom drop.

Scenes deliberately designed to reach and release strong emotion. Also called cathartic play · cry scenes.

Not a substitute for therapy, and a poor fit during an acute mental health crisis.

Care itself — blankets, feeding, holding — as the point rather than the wrap-up.

A repeatable pre-scene conversation covering limits, signals, and health.

Agreed language for slowing down or stopping, including non-verbal versions.

Recording as part of play, with explicit agreement on storage and deletion.

Agree in writing who holds files and when they are deleted, before anything is recorded.

Text, voice, or video play with a partner who is not in the room.

Choosing clothing specifically for a partner to look at.

Fully clothed dynamics carried into public without involving bystanders. Also called public protocol.

Anything a passer-by can perceive removes their choice; keep it invisible.

Masks or concealed identity used to change how being seen feels.

A full kink life inside one closed relationship.

Multiple committed relationships, with everyone informed and consenting.

Couples playing with other couples or individuals, usually socially and together.

Scenes involving three or more people by mutual agreement.

Finding pleasure in a partner’s enjoyment with someone else. Also called cuckolding · hotwifing · stag/vixen.

Rules, tasks, and check-ins maintained between partners who are apart.

Exploring interests alone, through fantasy, writing, or solo practice.

Casual social meet-ups in public venues, usually with no play involved.

Private events with house rules, consent monitors, and dedicated play space.

Taught sessions on technique, negotiation, and risk, often hands-on.

Practice sessions where people work on rope technique together.

Venues with a dress code and defined rules for behavior and consent.

Forums and groups used for questions, vocabulary, and finding local events.

Learning from a more experienced person, with clear boundaries about the relationship.

Mentorship should never be conditional on playing with the mentor.

Structured yes / no / maybe lists used to compare interests before playing.

Multi-day events combining classes, vendors, and social space.